Category: Parenting Tips

Parenting Tips

Siblings often quarrel with each other and the role of parents is especially important.

Post author By system
Post date 01/01/2023

Parenting Tips

Written by : Founder of Family Dynamics

Marriage and Family Therapist

Children Play Therapist

Ng Yee Kam

In recent play therapy cases, several of the children’s emotional problems were related to their young siblings’ relationship. Most of these problems were not caused by major arguments, but rather by subtle interactions in which each child was seeking the mother’s attention, comparing how much positive feedback they received from each other, and comparing who the mother “loved” more! Children often fight with each other because they are jealous of their siblings and take the opportunity to vent their frustrations.

It is true that everyone is “biased” and so are parents. Both inborn and nurtured personalities can lead to a preference for certain behaviors and behavioral patterns. If parents do not think about this, they will not suddenly become more open-minded because their children are their own.

Parents may be more appreciative of certain traits and more resistant to certain traits in their children’s different personalities. This is understandable. The problem is that parents must be aware of this situation and be aware of it and allow themselves to grow beyond the narrow framework of their parental role, increase the breadth and width of their own vision, learn to appreciate the differences in their children’s personalities, and appreciate their children’s unique strengths from the bottom of their hearts, and pass them on in their daily lives so that their children can receive them and affirm themselves. This will prevent the problem of sibling rivalry from worsening and causing unnecessary jealousy and suspicion in children.

The mother’s role is especially important during the early years of a child’s life because the quality of the mother’s interaction with the child has a critical impact on the child’s self-worth and sense of security. In these recent cases, it was not uncommon to find that the children had a sibling in the family who was cheerful, understanding, and liked to express herself, and was well liked by adults and teachers. I could see the mother’s joy and pride when describing her child. No wonder the children in these cases often felt compared to the others because they were more introverted, reticent, shy and cautious.

One mother was aware of the need to appreciate her son’s abilities, so she kept praising him, but in terms of character, she inadvertently encouraged her son to follow her sister’s example by expressing himself more and integrating into the group. However, this is not the nature of the child’s character and makes the child suspect that there must be something wrong with his or her character that cannot be accepted by the mother. This internal pain can easily turn into jealous emotions towards the elder sister, making the parents feel that the child’s attitude towards his/her sister is unreasonable, and further preventing the child from breaking out of this negative cycle.

I suggest that parents should not compare their children. For children who are more introverted, shy, reticent and cautious, they should be more reassuring: ” You do not need to force yourself to play with children like your brother, you quietly observe is already a kind of participation, when you feel at ease then go out to play is not too late. Or, “Not every child needs to be as talkative as their elder sister or like to perform in front of people; Mom likes it when you can express yourself as you see fit. “

For children who are more reactive and impulsive, listen to them first and then help them correct their behavior if it is safe to do so: “You are reacting so strongly to hit your brother, you must feel very angry inside, let me hear how you feel, okay? Sometimes parents do have to deal with their children “fighting for something,” but more often than not, what parents need to do is to meet their children’s psychological and emotional needs and affirm their true nature, so that their children can naturally get along well.

Parenting Tips

Spinal problems should not be ignored. How to do the test at home?

Post author By system
Post date 01/12/2022

Parenting Tips

Written by : Chiropractor, Dr. Wan Man Ho

Children are prone to sitting problems, even scoliosis and kyphosis. Parents should find out their children’s problems early and make corrections. But how can parents tell when their children have scoliosis and kyphosis problems?

For scoliosis, parents can try the Adam Test, a common test used by chiropractors, by asking a child to bend forward with his hands on the ground and see if there is a problem with the muscles on either side of the spine. If there is, it means that there is a high probability of scoliosis.

In terms of kyphosis, it means looking from the side, the head is in front of the body, as if the neck is stretched out, or the head is bowed for a long time and the shoulders are bent forward. Most children in Hong Kong have a functional condition, and often, as long as they are reminded to sit up straight, they will be able to sit up straight and stop having a kyphosis.

To improve the kyphosis, the most important thing is to open both shoulders, use the strength of the waist to lift the chest, and bring the chin back near the head. This is the most correct sitting posture and will improve the kyphosis.

Spine problems are related to the foot?

Some children have flat feet, resulting in a bit of in-toeing or out-toeing. The shape of the foot will slowly affect the pelvis and create some highs and lows.

If a child often bumps his knees when learning to walk or even trips over himself after a few steps, this may be a case of in-toeing or even an imbalance of the feet.

If your child has any of these problems, you should take him or her to a professional, such as a chiropractor, physiotherapist, or even a podiatrist, to get checked out.

Parenting Tips

Why do children entering “Trouble 2” start to get angry easily?

Post author By system
Post date 01/12/2022

Parenting Tips

Written by: Psychotherapist, Lee Wai Tong

Many parents have found that their children have felt a little more angry since the age of 2, which is generally referred to as “Trouble 2.” In fact, anger is an emotion that children feel when they do not get what they want. However, in addition to anger, there is also the feeling of disappointment. However, many parents ignore it and only see the child’s anger without understanding the disappointment behind it.

In fact, we focus more on the feeling of disappointment. For example, when he cannot get an object or buy it, our reaction will be “it’s a pity that we can’t get it this time,” and we will hug him. In fact, he will feel disappointment, and the feeling of anger will be replaced. Does anger always lead to hitting? This is another question. Some parents say that I did not hit him, but why would he hit someone when he is angry? It is, in fact, related to the intensity.

For example, if a child is holding a box of toys and wishes to purchase it, but the parent does not wish to purchase it. Instead of snatching it away and saying no, tell him, “Yes, you can’t buy it this time,” “You can hold it and look at it,” and “Put it down after looking at it.” When the child feels the feeling of anger, not force, the child will eliminate the idea of “hitting.”

Parenting Tips

Why don’t the children want me to be with them again?

Post author By system
Post date 01/12/2022

Parenting Tips

As a child grows up and interacts with the environment and people around him or her, he or she will gradually develop some feelings. Children will use these feelings to choose what they like or dislike, which is normal development for children. Mom says that her son is beginning to have an opinion, which means that he is expressing these feelings and that he has his own choices. Mom found out that his choice was not to choose herself but to choose Dad to play and read books with him.

There is a possibility that the son likes books and toys, that may not be the kind that his mother chooses, so he slowly begins to think that his mother may not be the right person to play with him. So the content of the play may be one of the reasons. Mothers can try to give their children more space to choose the toys they like to play with when they play with them. For example, sometimes our son likes to read a book, and he may look through it many times, so we can give him some space. Even when he likes it, we can continue to let him read the book, continue to talk to him about the book, and give them some space to choose for themselves!

Another possible reason is attitude. First of all, the mother can observe if she makes the child feel comfortable, happy, and joyful when playing with him, or if she is very nervous when playing and has to worry about him doing this and that—a lot of regulation—or if the mother is always leading him and giving him instructions, or if she unknowingly quizzes him during play: “How do you call this?” and “What color is this?”, “What is this symbol?”, “What is this mark?”

When playing, we need to let go of these so-called educational ideas, we don’t need to be strict and serious, so that we can build a happy and enjoyable experience for our children. Children need to be relaxed when they play. We don’t want to test them, we want them to have their own space and freedom of choice, and this is real play.

Once he chooses what he likes to play with and how he likes to play, Mom can try to observe these two aspects and see if there is room for improvement. At the end of the day, there may be nothing wrong with the mother, but the father is a master at playing games with the children, which is why they love him so much.

Some adults are really attracted to children, and it’s a good thing if fathers can play so well with their children, so mothers really don’t need to be too concerned. If a mother feels lost or depressed because her children do not choose her, she should investigate whether there are aspects of her life that are not as good as she would like, such as feeling lonely, and the company of her son becomes very important to her. If this is the case, the mother needs to address her needs or seek help.

Parenting Tips

No Air Con Night 2022- Teacher and Student Participation Award

Post author By system
Post date 19/11/2022
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No Air Con Night 2022- Teacher and Student Participation Award

Parenting Tips

Eye rubbing too much. What to do if eye inflammation?

Post author By system
Post date 01/11/2022

Parenting Tips

Written by : Dr Cheung Kit

Every child has his or her own characteristics. As a parent, you may not be able to tell what your child is trying to express by their expressions, behaviors and vocalizations. Take the example of a child’s reaction to dozing, the form of expression varies from person to person.Some may cry, some may lose their temper, some may rub their eyes, or a variety of other reactions. Among the many reactions, in my position as a doctor,the most unwanted habit is “rubbing eyes” because this will easily cause inflammation.

Eye inflammation is not caused by unclean hands？

Interestingly, the inflammation was not due to the child’s unclean hands, but to other causes. In this case, the inflammation was not initially caused by bacteria, but by a blockage of the secretory glands near the eyelashes. When the hand rubs against the eye, the originally open ventral outlet is disrupted by the external pressure, causing pressure in the gland as the oil cannot be expelled, which then causes an inflammatory reaction. This inflammatory reaction is superficially the same as a normal bacterial inflammation. The difference is that in this case, antibiotics (topical and oral) are not effective. The correct method is to do warm compresses for your eyes, which is intended to open the blocked outlet and make the inflammation disappear slowly.

How to treat eye acne？

To treat an existing eye acne, besides seeing a doctor, the most basic method is to do warm compresses as described above. Choose a reheatable heat pack or use a lightly heated towel. Do warm compresses for 5 minutes, 3 times a day. The need for antibiotics is at the discretion of the doctor. However, the following principles apply.

– Whether the inflammation of the eye acne exceeds the normal case

– Is there any bacterial inflammation of the conjunctiva?

– Is the tissue around the eye red and painful?

– Whether the child is able to control his or her own eye rubbing to reduce the possibility of bacterial inflammation

Early treatment of ophthalmia

If the inflammation is not controlled, the swelling may not disappear on its own. In this case, surgical release of the swelling is a must. Although it may sound scary, the procedure is actually a simple one and only requires local anaesthesia. Therefore, parents only need to follow the doctor’s advice and they can rest assured.

All in all, our biggest fear is not that our children’s hands are dirty, but that they keep rubbing eyes. If the eye infection is caused by nasal allergy, eye allergy and eczema, parents must take it seriously. Parents should feel free to use medication when they want to, without having to worry about how long it will take and the side effects that may occur.

Parenting Tips

Letting go and letting your child become an independent person

Post author By system
Post date 01/11/2022
No Comments on Letting go and letting your child become an independent person

Parenting Tips

Written by: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion Lam Ho Pui Yee

From childhood to adulthood, independence does not happen overnight. From the cradle to society, this journey is made up of countless small steps, and every small step in a child’s development is an opportunity for parents to learn to let go.

Because we can’t be with our children all our lives and take care of them until they grow old, we as parents should know how to let go in a timely manner. The purpose of letting go is to help your child grow and become an independent person who can take responsibility for himself. This kind of love has deep meaning.

How to let go

1.love and discipline go hand in hand

Many parents want to be friends with their children, but respect is not an indulgence. In my opinion, being a friend to your child means that you want to share and communicate more about each other’s inner worlds, but not in respectful way, children still need the guidance of their parents. Instead of worrying about how to be your child’s friend, you should think and learn how to be your child’s coach and spiritual support. Therefore, listening to children and observing their behavior is the first step in teaching children self-regulation. By learning to listen to their children, parents will be able to understand their children’s potential, interests and passions, and give them the help and support they need to let go.

2.Give children the opportunity to deal with things and learn from their mistakes

Many parents seem to forget that a crying baby eventually learns to sleep without being held, or the joy and emotion of seeing a The ecstasy and emotion of seeing a baby take its first steps without the support of someone. When a child faces conflict, problems or mistakes, parents should not rush to advocate, step in or make amends. Never deprive your child of the opportunity to learn from mistakes and failures, because children learn the ability to advocate for themselves and solve problems, and to take responsibility for the consequences of their choices or actions. In the process of letting go, you allow your child to try mistakes and accept failure.

3.Delay in meeting the needs of the child

We need to let go of the myth that parents don’t have to meet what their children want. In setting boundaries, it is important to delay gratification. We need to distinguish between our child’s “wants” and “needs. When a child asks for something, don’t just give him what he wants. You can wait until his birthday to give him a gift or encourage him to save up to buy it. Many parents in the West encourage their children to help their neighbors hoe their lawns to earn pocket money to buy things they want, because they will appreciate the things they have worked hard for through their own efforts.

In addition to helping children grow and feel responsible for their own lives, there is a higher value in letting go, which is to turn small love into big love. Parents need to learn to let go and bless their children to pursue their lives. When you start to let go, you will find that there is infinite space in life.

Parenting Tips

Nurturing children’s interest in reading

Post author By system
Post date 01/11/2022
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Parenting Tips

Written by : New Horizons Development Centre

Registered Educational Psychologist Pang Chi Wah

A hundred years ago, illiteracy was a normal thing. But since education became widespread decades ago, it is now necessary to go to school to receive an education. Learning is not only through the direct transmission of knowledge by teachers through language, students also need to read textbooks by themselves. When doing homework or taking exams, students are tested on their concentration and speed when reading.

More than 30 years ago, the basic qualification for firefighters was graduation from the sixth grade, but today, even college graduates may not be able to get into firefighting. Modern fires do not only require firefighters to be physically fit and able to put out fires with water, but some fires are very complex and require special methods and chemicals to put out.

Reading skills are needed in all walks of life

Whether they are blue-collar or white-collar workers, they need to handle documents and files, read other people’s reports or instructions, and write their own reports. So the need to read and handle paperwork is everywhere. In the past, illiterate people could withdraw money from banks, but with modern ATMs, not only can we withdraw money, but we can also pay different fees, but our concentration and speed in reading is very much tested.

When we are adults, we have to sign many contracts, and there are many clauses in the contract, and the font size is small but quantity is large, it is also a big test of reading. Modern people often have to search for information on the Internet, which also requires the ability to read, that is, the ability to visually search for symbolic words and speed.

Nurturing children’s interest in reading

Cultivate children’s interest in reading and develop good habits. Although reading books is fine, reading newspapers is a good habit that everyone must develop, whether they are civilians or presidents and professors, they need to read newspapers regularly because this is the only way to keep up with the information of the society, to understand the changes around the world, and to master the liberal thinking.

Although there is now a very convenient TV news, as if they do not need to read, listening to TV news seems more convenient. But in fact, in addition to reading newspapers to learn the news and current events, more continuous training of the ability to deal with words and reading newspapers can be carried out at anytime and anywhere, newspapers can be said to be the textbook of the Society in general. This is everyone “to do old, learn until old,” the rule of thumb.

Parenting Tips

“I’m so tired” How to improve the feeling of tiredness?

Post author By system
Post date 18/10/2022

Parenting Tips

Written by: Chinese doctor Yiu Yee Chiu

As a parent, it can be exhausting to take care of a family and work. In my spare time, I like to watch talk shows and listen to the unique views of celebrities on life and their outlook on life. Once they talked about the busy life of Hong Kong people and how fatigue seems to be an inevitable “by-product”. However, we were told that we are not tired because we are all like that and it is just a normal physiological reaction. So, is this true?

Tiredness is actually a subjective feeling, so only you can understand it. In some cases, it can be seen in behavior, such as reluctance to get up, weakness in speech, lack of normal physical strength, etc. According to a Chinese Medicine Practitioner, fatigue involves the five viscera and six internal organs, mainly the spleen, liver and kidneys, with the spleen being the most important, which falls under the category of “deficiency fatigue”.

Three types of fatigue have different causes

Fatigue can be classified from different perspectives. One way is to classify fatigue into three categories: physical, mental, and psychological. Physical fatigue is the most common and the most easily noticed. After normal work, it is normal to feel tired and can recover after rest. However, if you cannot recover after rest, or if the number and degree of fatigue is too much, this is fatigue, which can also be said to be a “sub-health” state.

Brain fatigue is caused by overuse of the brain. The most basic symptoms are memory loss and lack of concentration. Other symptoms include drowsiness, lack of concentration, auricular fever, and lack of hearing. Mental fatigue is a psychological feeling after excluding physical problems, and may be triggered by lack of sleep or inadequate nutritional supply. If more than one of these manifestations occurs at the same time, it is likely to be characterized as what is known as “fatigue syndrome”.

Fatigue is related to the disorders of the five organs

From the perspective of Chinese medicine, the appearance of fatigue is closely related to the imbalance of the five viscera. Different symptoms may be related to a particular internal organ, for example, lack of qi is mostly related to the lung. Chinese medicine believes that the overall activity of the human body depends on the state of vital energy. The Yuan Qi ” Human nature inborn and nourished later”, means that the Yuan Qi from the parents of the essence, after birth, mainly from the diet of water and grain essence of the supplement and nourishment, while relying on the normal function of the spleen and stomach and with the help of the natural qi (i.e. good air), although they are tired, but there are differences in the form.

People can be divided into the following four main body types:

1. Phlegm-damp body type: This type of person is not only obese, but also has a lot of fatigue and phlegm, is easily sleepy, has lazy limbs, has stomach discomfort after eating, and has loose stools. In addition to the Chinese medicine can be adjusted, can also rely on long-term physical exercise to improve. Including jogging, swimming, Tai Chi, “Eight Duan Kam” etc.

2. Qi deficiency: these people have insufficient lung energy, lack of energy, it would have a feeling of fatigue when little working. Since the strength of liver qi is related to the immunity of the body, they are prone to illness. Other symptoms include laziness, frequent sweating, a low voice, a pale tongue with white fur, and a weak pulse. Although exercise can be encouraged, it is necessary to start slowly and increase gradually. In addition, you can use the Qihai point in the abdomen as the center of a circular massage, three times a day, for 10 minutes each time. This method can strengthen the spleen with stomach and nourish the essence.

3.Yang body type: These people have low overall metabolism and will show fear of cold, depression and drowsiness. In addition to taking Chinese medicine, you can also use the “warm umbilical cord method” to strengthen nephron. The method is to use a lit moxa stick to moxibustion on the umbilicus above the Shen Pao point for 15 minutes twice a day, mainly to feel the warmth and tolerable.

4. Depressed body: most of the manifestations are unstable, easily depressed, lack of perseverance, suspicious and other psychological imbalance. Of course, physical discomfort, such as fullness in the ribs and poor sleep, may also occur. However, it is closely related to the ups and downs of emotions. Talking and sharing with others is the easiest way to guide yourself. At the same time, you can also try “rose yam porridge”. The method is to make a congee of rose, coix seeds and Chinese yam with rice, 1 to 2 bowls a day.

In any case, the feeling of fatigue is very disturbing. In addition to discomfort, people sometimes wonder if it is a lie. So we must face it head on and find the right way to manage it. Otherwise, the sub-healthy state of fatigue may turn into a real disease, and that would be a problem.

Parenting Tips

培育資優生情意教育同樣重要

Post author By system
Post date 01/10/2022

家長錦囊

Parenting Tips

撰文：香港家庭福利會學校社工江淑玲

資優教育在香港愈來愈被受重視，教育局的網頁表示，資優教育的任務是要有系統、有方向地發掘和培育資賦優異的學生，為他們提供適切的教育機會，使他們能夠在富彈性的教學方法和環境下，充分發揮個別潛能。根據文獻，資優生不僅是智商高的一群，若學生在其他方面有突出表現，如藝術或領導才能，都可界定擁有資優的潛能。

資優生的困難

雖然資優生有著過人的潛質和學習能力，然而由於他們的認知發展比一般人快，而且有著獨特的情意特質，如害怕面對失敗和反抗權威，在現實生活往往產生適應的問題，這些問題或會導致資優生的情緒受困擾，以及妨礙他們的潛能發展。在一篇文章「海倫的來信」，主角真切反映著資優生遇到感情上的困難。

文章描述一位智商146的海倫，由於言行突出，在小時候被人家當作「怪物」。她害怕在課堂上答問題，因為當她答錯，全班都會取笑她。及後投身社會，同事都視她為威脅對象而對她不友善。過程中，她即使盡力去發展社交圈子，換來只有更大的傷害，對她個人影響深遠。

除此之外，美國時代雜誌專欄作家、哈佛大學心理學博士丹尼爾•戈爾曼在書中提出一個觀點：智商決定人生的 20%，情緒智商則主宰人生的 80%。他又提出很多智商超過 160分的人在為那些智商只有 120 分的人打工，原因是智商較低的人擁有發達的情緒智能，以致他們在工作環境中取勝。由此可見，一個人即使擁有高智商，並不等於一帆風順。因此，成功的資優教育不應只著重培育資優生的認知能力，他們的情意發展，即情意教育，同樣重要。

何謂情意教育？

狹義的情意教育是指輔導學生情感的發展，廣義則是指培養他們高尚情操，從而幫助他們建立正向的人生目標。可是，情意教育不只是個別輔導學生，周邊的環境如學校和家庭都是影響學生情意發展的重要因素。作為父母，最重要的莫過於以身作則，作子女的榜樣。例如父母在公司遇到同事不禮貌的對待，回家後可與子女分享如何控制個人情緒和作出恰當的回應，並將「理論」在家中實踐出來，讓子女有所學習。另外，父母可協助子女從多角度思考，例如他們的情意特質，除了負面的影響，也有其積極的一面。他們完美主義的性格，正反映他們處事認真，努力不懈；他們不從俗，可見他們敢於表達和突破傳統的一面。在這鼓勵和接納的氣氛下，相信資優生更能發揮他們的天賦和才能。

事實上，是否資優生並不重要，重要是相信每個人都是獨特，繼而發掘自己的潛能，讓它在適當的支援下發揮出來！